Losing My Way.

Why do we lose your way? And why can’t we find our way back when we want to? 

I lost my way with God and now I want to go back to where I left Him but its so difficult. SO many things on the way that distract me from my destination. What if when I do finally get to the place He is no longer there? 

I want to give my life away for Him but why do I have to slip and fall every time? He is my life line and staying away from him makes me go weak. Kills me a little everyday. He is my oxygen and one can’t live without oxygen for long. Suffocation. That’s what I feel. My life is slipping away every moment I stay away from Him. I want to go to place where there is only God and me. that would be a mountain top experience. 

But I’ve had my fair share of mountain top experience. And I know that He lets it happen so that when we go down to the valley we will know He is with us. And just waiting for us to call out for help. I know He would come running if I call out to him. But I feel so inadequate somehow to call out to Him. He shouldn’t have to come and pick me up after all my falls. 

I want to enter into a day where I don’t fall over all the time. Where I do what He asks me do without questioning Him. But that looks FAR FAR away. 

So Lost.

Is it normal to feel so lost? When you know where you have to go but your feet just don’t move? My spiritual life seems dry. Like the fire is just dying one day at a time. I feel like God is drifting away from me. Thant He is not there in the center of my life anymore. , 

Honestly, I don’t even know what I am feeling. All I know is I am not my normal self. Not the girl who gave God the first place and life seems so hard. I feel alone though I know I am not. I hear Him calling out my name but I can’t seem to just stay still and listen to Him. It’s so hard isn’t it? To stay still and know that He is God. That He is control and that He loves me. 

He feels so far away that I can’t even write well. I don’t know if any of this makes any sense but if it does then please pray for me. I don’t want to lose the best thing that happened to me. I don’t want to.